Today I started to want to learn how to play piano. It is one of my many goals, that I will start.
I have other blogs but I decided to start this one because I want to fix my personality and the things that I do.
Things that I don't like about me1) Messy room
2) Unorganized
3) I have a low self esteem
4) My weight
5) I think I am always right ( most of the time I am though)
6) I procrastinate a lot.
7) I forget things a lot it's like of I have amnesia ( I guess I shouldn't have eaten that eraser in kindergarten)
Why is it that I want this change. I am tired of my mother aways saying that I need to grow up. I am also tired of seeing my life being such a mess, I feel like I let everything bad in my previous life take control of me
. I really thought that by moving I could run away from the past but it keeps coming back but in other things. I still see traces of things, I want to be noticed but I don't want to be seen. It's hard to explain but I usually end up doing things behind the scenes and for the first time in my life I want to step out of the shadows and actually do things which help me get recognition because I believe that will boast up myself esteem.
In the school I go to I started to join clubs, I finally decided to join the geekest one of them.-The Student Council. It's super hard to stand the meetings, half the time I am falling asleep. But it's something that I must do and I must cope with because it will help me network with people I wouldn't usually be around.
But the problem is that I am not around anyone and it's hard for me at times to try to keep my mind from trying to explain myself in any other language that isn't English at school. I got so used to speaking only Spanish and sometimes bits of Korean because I am learning Korean, (plus it sounds awesome).
I am slowly trying to pick up the pieces of my life, the ruminants of my life.
I kind of feel weird writing about what my life is about mainly because I usually keep things to myself but I need to vent some how and some how find more people to network with.
I am kind of sick and tired of everyone around me going to parties and they never let me join. I also want to go to a party even though they don't play the music that I like and I will probably end up cringing during the whole party, and I will probably not drink because I need to drive. I also have needs to talk to people although I wouldn't want to talk to someone who is pissed drunk.
The point is that I am also human! I am also in need to have some type of relationship too... I don't know if I should write about that part of my life yet because it's still in the works.
But among all things what I really want is to change myself, I hate the fact that I always end up making excuses why I can't go somewhere and things like that. I feel like I was Shuji from Notowa wo produce ( 野ブタ。をプロデュース) if you saw that drama you would notice that he used to make excuses why not to go to the Kareaoke with his "friends" and he used to think people were stupid. I hate to admit it but sometimes I am like that. I feel like no one will ever understand my views about life and things. I go to church once in a while, I go to catholic church and mormon church. You have no idea how many excuses I have done to not go every sunday. In the mormon church they are more patient with me than in the catholic church I am practically in my last straw.
The reason why I started to go to the gym was practically because I know I am pretty inside and my outside doesn't match it, and there was someone told me to go to the gym. I was actually thinking of going before but now I started to do it because I started to think of the benefits of doing such hard tasks.
OMG he told me to do weights, seriously Brandon what are you thinking... Why would anyone tell me to do weights is beyond me but what's more crazy is that I actually did them because whatever helps me change I am all forward it, but I always get comments from him like.
"Make sure it's 0 fat."
"Eat low fat foods."
"I still eat sour cream."
Ugh.... sour cream is my worst enemy-it's funny how this post should be about me learning the piano and I started to talk about a guy-.
Anyway, I think it's hard to learn how to play the piano but I want to learn I am still not used to using both of my hands while playing the piano the keys are kind of far away. I really do want to learn anyway.
Japan Korea
I have a new friend now, we started to talk about my goals about going to Korea. Because it kind of seems hard for me to get there I been trying for 2 years and I am slowy actually trying to get more like into learning Korean. I really do want to learn Korean so that I can go to Korea and live my Kpop life style. Although my hand writing kind of sucks in all 3 languages (English, Spanish and Korean) I still don't know how to write well in Japanese, eitherway, I do wish that I can learn fast enough and lose weight so that I can actually be "Normal" like not really but to fit in clothes because in Korea there is no 3x.
Eitherway, I hope that things go well for my friends and that I can somehow make all of them meet but it seems some people don't like to be friends of my friends and it makes it kind of hard for me.
I had issues with a lot of my friends having different views and that prevented them from forming friendships or they are freaking shy and don't talk to anyone.
